Assalammualaikum....it's been few months since I last updated my blog. And few things had happened during that time. Well......let me begin with my miscarriage...a sad story for those who hoping for another bundle of joy in their life. But HE knows what is the best for us. (Those who had been through this type of experience will knew it better.)
On 12 September of 2011, I felt some contraction....just like want to deliver...but in positive way with few readings, I calm myself telling that "it just a normal thing which call Braxton Hicks Contraction" (http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/antenatalhealth/physicalhealth/braxtonhicks/). Since I got a meeting with KSU on that night, so I just tell my Hubby that's everything is okey...well actually I found a blood stained when I wanted to perform Zohor prayer...just a bit...about 5cent coin. After the meeting that night, my Hubby fetch me, and the next day on 13 Sept, I was not working and had an appointment with my gynae, Dr Kamaria Idris at Naluri Medical Centre, Wangsa Maju.
On the next day, 13 of September, I was at home with kids and my parents-in-laws, fortunately they came a day before (to visit family). I still feel the contraction...so I just rest while waiting for my Hubby for evening appointment. When I met my gynae, I told her that I had the contraction....she did check-up on me and ultra-sound (we had the 3D pic too) and everything okey. But she did tell me don't go anywhere (coz I got my cousin's wedding at Pahang and course at Malacca in few days). She did warn me for not doing that. After the check-up. me and Hubby went for Maghrib prayer at the surau there (which is opposite of nursery) and my Hubby did take a photos of the newborns there.
On the way back, we went to Jusco Wangsa Maju for an hour to get few things...I feel like to pee and hope nothing happened...Alhamdulillah...I'm okey.
After that when on the way home, I feel the contraction really bad...two time....but we managed to going up home,...and it came again...my Hubby decided to bring me back to Naluri, I thing it was around 9.30++ My Hubby was beside me, calm me...and after an hour (I think)...I was given medicine and felt asleep....when I woke-up, I've read a message from my Hubby that he went for a meal.....burger maybe :) Then I felt asleep again...(with medicine?..I can't remember)......I woke-up again and my Hubby was beside me before he went for Isyak prayer, it was around 12 am....
Around 12.30 am....a felt really bad contraction....like "something" down there nak keluar...the midwives help to calm me down....but few minutes after that...it came again....the contractions....and it was hurt......finally...I felt "something" between my leg and told the midvies "apa ni?...dia dah keluar ke?"......and after that at 1.15am on 14 September....my lil baby left me.....I can feel dia keluar.... I took my phone and call my Hubby and said "Dia dah keluar...." while crying.... My Hubby came in and he saw everything.....he told me that "He still moving....." that lil tiny baby still alive...only for few minutes coz he just 19++ weeks. If he at 22 weeks, InsyaAllah he will alive. But I didn't see him ...I can't.....I just saw that he body in the small basin....but not his face. I can't....even now. My Hubby did save our lil tiny picture, but till now I didn't see it. Ya...we love him....who we named Khairil Dayyan Al-Muhammad bin Khairil Faiz...... Eteh came on that morning....and he help my Hubby for the pengkebumian which is at Kampung Batu.
Ya...I cried...cried..and cried...and I think my Hubby cried too.
I was warded for three days...and cried..cried and cried. When I came home my kids asked "Ibu, mana baby?...baby kita dah meninggal ye?...." and I just cried...cried and cried....
After that I stayed at home with my Hubby while my PIL and my kids went to my SIL house for few days. While my Mom can't come to KL coz she needs to look after my Abah (my late Abah...he passed away on Dec last year..Al-Fatihah...next entry ) . Hubby prepared all food for orang dalam pantang...and its tasted good!!! Ikan tenggiri bakar with herbs balut dengan daun kunyit......ikan tenggiri steam...etc and ulam-ulaman which he bought from pasar tani. Thanks my dearest Hubby....you knew how suffered am I during that time, cried almost everytime....thanks for being there for me. I love you so much!!!
Almost two month after that barulah aku pergi ke kubur arwah...but I cried again once I went out from the car....with my baju kurung hitam polkadot biru.....and nangis lagi sampai masuk kereta...sampai nak masuk tol Sungai Buloh...(otw to Perak). My kids calm me at the grave...and my Hubby calmed me in the car....yes..I cry...and cry again.....semoga my lil baby Khairil Dayyan Al-Muhammad sentiasa tenang di sana. Al-Fatihah.
When I was sad about this, ramai kawan2 yang bagi semangat pada aku.....dan ada antaranya yang pernah mengalami miscarriage ni....one of them, Norreza Ellahi Ismail...kawan yang aku kenal masa main netball di zaman sekolah rendah dulu....dia memang ada problem dengan pregnancy, and she had 6 miscarriage around 16-26 weeks (kalau tak silap)....mesti dia lagi sedih dari aku kan.....dan sekarang dia dah ada sepasang baby, Adam dan Sara ....... Alhamdulillah. Kitorang kawin the same year, 2003, aku bulan 3, dia bulan 5, and kebetulan pergi kursus kawen pun sama2 kat Zura's Academy Bangsar tu...
That's all for this time...Wassalam...
*note: Maaf lah ye kalau grammar salah.....nak citer pasal emosi ni kena English, kalau Bahasa Melayu kang takut nangis banyak plak.... :) *
